I feel the need to express myself. Constantly. I know why I do this and the reasons are buried deep in the annals of my childhood and early adolescence. That’s my issue. But let me explain.
When I lost approximately seven stone of weight a few years ago, well frankly I blossomed. What losing weight meant for me, is that I found my confidence; I found my voice.
I had always been a photographer, probably since about five. But it was when I was ten that I had bought for me by my father my first Single Lens Reflex. That was a great day. We took our cameras out to the beach and a castle and just had fun; taking pictures. Later on in my teenage life, we built a darkroom and my father taught me how to process and then develop my own black and white prints.
Over the years I drifted on and off with this hobby. Cameras came and went. And then of course, the digital age dawned.
When I left my marriage, actually whilst it was in it’s death throws, I started to document the journey with my excess weight. Not in any kind of, the ‘before and after pictures’. But just expressing myself sexually, in my own little way.
As the weight came off, so my confidence increased. At my largest I was a size 22. Now I am a 12/14. It was a very heady and intoxicating time.
I posted pictures on here. I got a lot of attention. But let me now be absolutely clear.
I posted those pictures in a way to say; I am here! They may have got male attention but I did NOT do it for them. I did it for me. When I post pictures now; I do not do it for male attention; I do it for me.
But I do post them for attention. I am posting them to say something.
The something that I would argue is that it is fine, it is more than fine for a woman; any woman to express herself sexually.
And now we get to the paradox.
One cannot on here post sexual pictures and NOT expect to get male attention.
And that makes me incredibly sad. And incredibly angry.
It would be the easiest thing in the world to say; I post pictures of my cunt so that other men want my cunt. But I would hazard a guess that the reason that women post semi-explicit or explicit pictures on here is the fact that this is one of the FEW places that they can do so.
I will go further. I will also suggest that the reason women post explicit pictures on here is that they are doing is for themselves.
Not for men. Not for friends, Not for notoriety or fame. They do it because they have finally found an outlet where they CAN do this. They do it for themselves.
The very fact that women, brave women, are taking this almighty risk deserves respect. Most men on here will see this as wank fodder. Well good on them. If that is what they take away, then fine. But a picture is a picture is picture. It is nor more an invitation to sexual congress than inviting your Great Aunt round to tea. It is a collection of red, blue and green pixels on a screen.
Now we get to the very heart of the paradoxes. The very man that might see your pictures that get his cock twitching will also be your very downfall.
The pictures attract men. Granted. But then you start talking to them and eventually, a relationship is formed. What I have found through my experience is that once you enter into a relationship; you then are ‘not allowed’ to post pictures.
They are verbortnen; not allowed. Forbidden.
Because the rational voice says; “I don’t my women being on such a show. I want my women for ME”. Conveniently forgetting of course that it was the damn pictures that brought him to her in the first place.
But the woman has not forgotten. And the woman remembers why she posted them in the first place.
It was for her.
The double standard.
And now because she chooses love; she should just remove them?
I say no. The pictures remain. Because it was the very act of expressing herself that drew you to her in the first place. And if we are not allowed to create art, or to be ourselves; then what are we?
I shall tell you what. Grey beings. Less than half the exuberant, beautiful sexual creatures we are. That then begs another point.
What is the price of love? Do we throw away the very core of our being because someone cannot handle a fully sexual and very artistic woman. I say no. No.
I speak from the experience of having a man in a coke fulled rage accuse me of things I haven’t done. Just because he misunderstood them. I have also had men who liked the idea but once I was their’s; they put in a beautiful cage.
Paradoxically, the very man who might have understood this behaviour served the divorce papers on me this week. I ended the marriage. he was my first Dom.
There is clearly a fine line between a man who is confident in the relationship with his sub and those who are threatened by their own sexuality.
Be who you are. Be who you want to be. And understand this.
Is a man truly loves and honours you. He will allow you to express yourself in any way that might manifest. Because he knows he has your love.
To not do so is not love. It is control.